Skateboarders are still getting dumb tattoos. I would know seeing how I’ve got some pretty dumb ones myself. I have some Japanese Kanji that says, “Round Eye” since I’m a white dude with Japanese Kanji tattooed on me. I also have a rose with a banner, and instead of a girl’s name, it says “ME.” Actually that last one might be kinda smart. Anyway, since my last article, the video for the Lizard Passion Tour came out and it looks like there was some standard shady work going on. I mean you’re tattooing in a moving vehicle after a few beers and whatnot- it’s gotta turn out pretty good, right? Still, just as guilty are the skaters who actually think they’re getting some legit work done and aren’t viewing it as a joke. So without further ado…. Here’s 5 more embarrassing pro skater tattoos.

1. Jake Duncombe: Pretty awesome guy, I kinda think of him as a pirate. He’s always sunburned and just looking ran through, but he’s a pretty burly skater. I like that he’s got his first board graphic tattooed on him and a couple relating to Shane Cross, but I am going to focus on his leg. Jake’s got some really interesting things going on down there. He’s got a dude farting out another dude who is doing a handplant on a ramp. There is some genius there, but it’s undeniable that the whole leg immediately makes you think of that kid that couldn’t stop drawing on himself or his clothes in middle school. I like Jake though, he’s a genuine Wildman and I can totally picture him when he’s a 60 year old rumpot just lounging around Australian in a yellow speedo scamming on girls.

2. Nick Trapasso: Similar to the randomness of Jake Duncombe’s tattoos, this guy has some real hodge podge going on that even he doesn’t seem to know about. He is rocking the 7th grade Algebra book cover look. I hated Algebra and was lousy at it so I spent most of the class just scribbling on it. It was just “stuff.” I gotta say though, I am excited about him being on Life Extention. They have a misspelled name and really sketchy looking graphics so I am sure we’ll get some more tattoo work out of this.

3. Jereme Rogers: Jereme’s actually come back into skateboarding’s good graces lately with a video of him beating Steve Berra’s “Most Fakie Flips in a Minute” record (and also dissing Berra in the process) and posting an amazing Selfish ad of himself. Maybe he’s been trolling us all along. But that doesn’t change the fact that he has some of the lamest tattoos in skateboarding. Two in particular that are just glaringly craptastic. He has “I Fear No Man” tattooed on his neck. “I Fear No Man” On. His. Neck. Have you heard Jereme’s voice? While his face looks like it hit puberty, his voice didn’t get the memo. Just picture him saying that he “fears no man” out loud. Next up are his hand tattoos, I say if you’re gonna tattoo your hand, then do the whole thing. Embrace the Everlasting Jobstopper and just knock out some real tattoos. Jereme’s look like permanent club re-entry stamps. They’re tiny and the fact that they declare “Fear God” only makes them more hilarious.

4. Tommy Sandoval: Skates for Zero which is an automatic guarantee that he’s not afraid of getting hurt or throwing himself down massive gaps. He’s also not afraid to commit to silly tattoos. That’s the only word I can think of to describe his giant chest inscription of, “Die Trying” and his cute little tummy pistols. Maybe the “Die Trying” tattoo is supposed to inspire him to chuck himself off mountain sized gaps, but if that’s the case you’d think he’d get it in a place where he could read it. I also like all the funny jokes my brain made about him having sex with a girl and the whole time she’s got “DIE TRYING” right in her face. Oh and the tummy pistols? Yeah, they’ve been done a bunch of times, but uh…. I can’t think of the last dude I saw who got them to be honest, so that just makes me giggle.

5. Baker/Deathwish/Shake Junt: I shouldn’t really have to write anything about these dudes. Bryan Herman has a marijuana leaf either giving or receiving oral sex to a girl (like that affects the attitude of the tattoo), Antwuan’s face IS a marijuana leaf and everyone else resembles that same 7th grade Algebra book cover that I mentioned previously. I really dig the outlaw thing they do though. Skateboarding is way too sterile and these guys’ tours are pretty gnarly. I find it really hard to see how anyone couldn’t possibly be stoked on Lizard or Sammy Baca. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re living life. They’re also influencing a ton of little suburban white kids to knock out some face tattoos, which a sick side of me fully applauds with my jaw on the floor. For real though, their tattoos look like they were done by an over-caffeinated blind person with missing fingers.

Luke Physioc is an artist specializing in tattoo, music and skateboard art, as well as a music reviewer. To view Luke’s art or read his album reviews, visit http://www.lukephysioc.com

Words: Luke Physioc
Original Illustration: Michael Giurato
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