
1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon
– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.
2. The Benchwarmer
-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.
3. The Sketchball
-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.
4. The Ramp Tramp
-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.
5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.
-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.
6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes
-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.
7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp
-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.
Related Posts
Comments
Popular
-
ANGELA WHITE IS BRINGING SKATING’S MOST ICONIC CAMERA BACK INTO PORN
Her 2000s, gonzo-inspired tour de force was filmed completely on the sleek, sexy, grainy VX2000.
-
A SMOKE BREAK CHAT WITH KYNAN TAIT, FILMER FOR EPICLY LATER’D
Kynan has made his impact quietly, operating as the silent hand in the background behind one of skateboarding’s favorite shows.
-
WATCH A VIDEO FROM KAZAKHSTAN’S ONLY SKATESHOP
Wallride skateshop's video "Dirty People" showcases unfamiliar spots in unfamiliar territories.
-
VISIT THE EDITING DESK OF SOME OF SKATING’S FAVORITE FILMMAKERS
Knick knacks and rage quits to uncomfortable chairs and editing Andrew Reynolds.
-
WILL ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CHANGE THE WAY SKATE CONTESTS ARE JUDGED?
"Most sports work in absolutes. A strike is a strike because it is within the strike zone. A kickflip isn’t absolute."
November 25, 2013 7:04 pm
Don’t forget the crusty barney who has not washed his pads since ’87, when Tony Hawk signed them. Or talk to you about all the different colourways of Jeff Grosso boards he has in his basement that his wife won’t let him hang on the wall. That’s right, I’m calling you out, Buffet King!!
Leave a reply
January 4, 2014 9:33 am
sampling a fabulous cup of coffee for dinner ugg
Leave a reply
January 15, 2014 1:28 pm
You forgot the snakes. Kids usually 9-13 that are pretty good for their age but think they’re God’s. They have to be good and young enough to be arrogant but not experienced enough to have ever been hurt or actually really challenged by anything yet. They make it their personal goal to make the park a creepy experience for anyone who isn’t them or the one pro who they think is their equal but secretly hates them. Notorious for cutting anyone and everyone off…then laughing when you fall trying not to trample them.
Leave a reply
January 18, 2014 11:37 pm
Yeah and that kid who snakes everyone like hes a god.. Throw a frontside kick down the hollywood high stair and than come talknto me. (#Baker 3,# iloveandrewreynolds#throwyourslefdownbiggerstairs snake.
Leave a reply