photo: shelby sells (@sweaterpuppiez)

Rob Brink has a thing for porn stars, not just pulling his pud to their videos, but actually trying to get to know them. So when Rob’s not busy hosting the Weekend Buzz he’ll occasionally hit us up with an interview that doesn’t fit on other skate mags and sites, like the one he did with Stoya back in 2012, and now this one with Asa Akira, the anal queen.

“I drink a lot of tea while I work. Green tea usually. And tea is a diuretic, which means it makes you pee. And when you drink as much tea as me, you pee A LOT.

Above the urinal in the men’s bathroom at The Hundreds (my new office) hangs a framed photo of Asa Akira. Her long black hair is flipped over the right half of her face. The eye shadow around her left eye is dark and overdone and exactly what you’d expect from a porn star. She’s wearing a black bikini top; the bottoms are dropped down to her red six-inch stilettos. Her hand is covering her crotch, even though it seems like she’d rather I see it. And with my dick in my hand, and countless cups of green tea streaming out of it, I’m three inches from Asa and she’s staring right at me—her mouth agape and her lips gooped in pink gloss.

Five to six times a day, in these two-minute increments, all I can do is think about fucking Asa Akira. And I’ll say with 100 percent certainty, that, not only would knowledge of my daydreaming NOT creep her out, but she’d absolutely love it. It’s part of her charm.

And it’s this charm that has, more so than most adult film stars, thrust AVN’s 2013 Female Performer of the Year into mainstream pop culture—from penning her autobiography Insatiable: Porn A Love Story, to her DVDASA Podcast with David Choe, to her recent reality web series “Hobbies With Asa Akira,” you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone somewhat hip who doesn’t know her name. So before you go straight to pornhub to “brush up” on your favorite Asa scenes, check out what she has to say about flirting with skaters, stuffing dead animals and learning to love anal.” – Rob Brink

hooray for boobies / photo: thehundreds

I heard you have a phone phobia.. what’s up with that?
I really hate talking on the phone. I’m just always dreading that it’s gonna be someone I don’t wanna talk to. But when they don’t leave a voicemail I’m like, “Oh my God, who was that? Maybe I won a bunch of money and now I lost my chance!” I get completely anxious when my phone rings or I have to make a call. When we were kids we sat on the phone all night long. Every chance I had. I can’t even imagine doing that now. Even when my friends call, I press “ignore” and then I’m like, “Let’s just text.”

Do you have other neuroses?
Yeah, but one of them is that I can’t talk about it.

Like Fight Club?
Yeah [laughs]. I’m a pretty neurotic person.

Does the world seem particularly terrible to you lately? Like, I’m driving to work and thinking about the drought and ISIS and Baltimore.
It’s horrible. Everything. And I don’t know if every generation has felt that way or if the world is actually getting worse. That’s why I feel like it’s too late for me to take acid anymore. My mindset is way too negative now. I went to Six Flags the other day and left knowing that would be my last time on a roller coaster. I used to love them — the scarier the better. And now like, why would I put myself in that position?

photo: thehundreds

I was listening to an NPR interview with you from last year and it turned into that typical “What went wrong in your childhood” thing. Do you find it bizarre that so many interviews with porn stars go in that direction?
Definitely. When I wrote my book Insatiable I did a lot more mainstream media rather than porn interviews, and, for the most part, I think the interviewers walked away disappointed that I wasn’t some tragic story. I think they were rooting against me. In the book I talk about how I had this happy childhood. I didn’t have any traumatic experiences. And they seemed to come into the interview already doubting that and trying to catch me slipping, wanting me to accidentally say I was raped when I was three or something.

”To me, the fantasy was coming out here and doing porn and being successful and having people jerking off to me.”

Trying to trip you up with questions like “If you had a daughter would you let you’re her do porn?”
Questions like that don’t really come from a place of curiosity. It says more about them than about me. I think they’re uncomfortable with the fact that I’m so comfortable with my sexuality. It just bothers them. A lot of people need to justify it to themselves with something horrible.

What’s upsetting to you about the porn industry?
Here’s the thing: I didn’t grow up watching porn or knowing anything about porn. In my mind, porn stars were these really glamorous people. It’s not like I followed the careers of girls before me and then came out here and found out they were horrible people. To me, the fantasy was coming out here and doing porn and being successful and having people jerking off to me. In that sense, it’s even more than I could’ve hoped for. But I was definitely shocked to learn that fluffers don’t even exist. [Fluffers are apparently a person whose job it is to give male porno stars blowjobs in order to get them ready to perform.]

But, that used to be a thing back in the day right?
No! I asked Nina Hartley and she said no. Fluffers were never a thing.

”In my mind, porn stars were these really glamorous people.”

How did “Hobbies with Asa Akira” with The Hundreds come about?
I’ve known Bobby Hundreds for a while and we did an interview when my book came out last year. A couple weeks later, he texted me like, “Hey, what do you think of doing a video series?” And I was like, “Ok, let’s do it!” not knowing any of the details or anything. We had a meeting where everyone pitched ideas and we decided on hobbies because I’m such a homebody. I genuinely don’t have a hobby. I feel like people are constantly asking me, “What do you like to do outside of porn?” and I’m like, “Nothing.” My favorite thing in the world is to read and watch movies. House arrest would be paradise for me.

But also, when you have careers like ours that you love and you are doing awesome shit like writing books and filming shows, you don’t necessarily need a hobby.
I love that you just said that. I think I’ve always felt that way and I’ve never been able to put it into words. It’s funny because people will often describe me as a workaholic, but I’m really not. I just love my job so much that I want to do it all the time. If I were working a 9-5 job I’d do the bare minimum, complaining the whole time, trying to take long lunches. I wouldn’t be a “workaholic.” We’re really lucky in that way. I try to remind myself of that all the time.

blink 182 enema of the state? / photo: thehundreds

How much of your life is devoted to staying physically fit so you look good on camera?
Like, the whole thing (laughs). In some form, I’m thinking about my weight 85% of the day. Whether it’s because I’m hungry or need to be tan to look skinnier. It’s what I have to do to be able to have sex for a living and make money doing what I love. When I think of it like that, it’s not such a big price to pay. But it sucks. I’m always hungry. I’m never satisfied with the way my body looks. And the thing I’m most looking forward to when I retire is getting fat.

”I’m thinking about my weight 85% of the day. Whether it’s because I’m hungry or need to be tan to look skinnier.”

I read that Lisa Ann is the most popular porn star in the world. As someone considered “older” in your industry, is it comforting to know a woman older than you is that popular and there’s a lot of time left, rather than some 19-year-old coming in and putting you out of work?
It’s definitely more comforting than if that weren’t the case, but I’m not completely at ease either. People ask what I’m gonna do after porn and I don’t know. I wish I could do this forever, but what if I decide to have a family? I guess I don’t feel totally secure. Like, what if MILFs are really in right now but in five years they’re not? I still feel my age haunting me, but it’s more comforting than if there were no such thing as a MILF category.

In skateboarding most people are done pretty young too. The two industries are very parallel.
I totally agree. They’re both kind of on the outskirts of society while still having one foot in the mainstream. It’s kind of frowned upon, right?

The mainstream often takes what it wants from our industries to benefit, but then doesn’t really accept it. When they want skaters in a McDonald’s commercial, it’s cool but then it’s illegal for me to skate down the street to buy groceries.
And there’s also something super damaging about being treated like a star too young. You guys even more because skateboarding starts super young. But even with porn, I think 18 is too young. If you go from your parents’ house to being treated like a star making thousands of dollars a day, how can you possibly be a normal person? You have no shot.

”If you go from your parents’ house to being treated like a star making thousands of dollars a day, how can you possibly be a normal person? You have no shot.”

And the skate industry is crazy because there’s such a focus on alleviating anything from your mind other than performing on your skateboard. People book your flights, hand you cash on trips, send you clothes and you party.
Wow. Like all you have to do is skate?

Yeah, a lot of skaters don’t pay their taxes, they’ve never written a check. There are basic life skills that are handled for them starting so young.
And it’s not their fault that they grow up to be a man-child. How would they know any better?

asa the tattoo artist / photo: thehundreds

Is there anything particularly surprising or different about filming a porno movie compared to filming a reality series like “Hobbies”?
The main thing for me, it probably will sound really silly to you, is that with porn I can’t eat the night before. That comes with so much anxiety for me.

Is that a body image thing or an anal/cleanliness thing?
It’s a body thing. My body’s built for anal. I can eat all day long and I’m fine as long as I clean out and do my little ritual. But even if I’m just doing a blowjob scene I still will watch what I’m eating because I don’t want my stomach to bloat out. I’m pretty convinced that everyone in porn has body dysmorphic disorder.

”Skateboarders are the worst! Us girls love you guys so much and you never give us the time of day.”

Given that so many women dislike or won’t try anal, how does that become your specialty?
I’ll tell you what the secret is, because my first time I didn’t enjoy it and didn’t do it again for five years. The trick is to do it about 20 times in like, a month. Don’t space it out too much and then it becomes enjoyable. But for those 20 times, it hurts like a bitch. You just have to know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

That’s what I tell people about eating oysters and sushi.
Or olives! So true. And then one day you’re craving it. It’s just like that.

We are opening up the world for men who want anal and women who wanna enjoy it.
I think the reason men want anal so badly is because we resist so much.

pornstar, taxidermist, author, anal queen / photo: thehundreds

It’s the final frontier. Chicks always ask, “Why do guys want anal?” I think it’s that we want to know you’re willing to please us.
I think so too. I can’t imagine that the asshole actually feels better around the penis than the vagina. I refuse to believe that.

It doesn’t. It feels like I’m doing something wrong. Maybe it’s Catholic guilt but it feels like I’m hurting the girl and I want to just go back to the regular thing. There’s probably a lot of advice for young skateboarders coming out of this interview, inadvertently.
Ugh! Skateboarders are the worst! Us girls love you guys so much and you never give us the time of day. I remember being a teenager growing up in NYC, I don’t know how many hours I spent watching boys skateboard. And like, they totally didn’t give a shit that I was sitting there for four hours waiting to finally get to hang out.

Skating might be the only thing I’ve ever experienced that trumped the desire to get laid.
I think all skaters are like that. That’s the appeal though. That’s why girls love skaters, I would imagine. The unattainable factor.

Interview: Rob Brink (@robertbrink)
Photos courtesy of The Hundreds & Shelby Sells (@sweaterpuppiez)
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