IN PRAISE OF THE PROUDLY BALD SKATEBOARDER

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If there’s one thing inherent in being a skateboarder it’s the desire to live in perpetual youth. But no matter how hard you push there’s no escaping the ravages of time. Aging is inevitable. Your muscles stiffen up, your hangover doesn’t pass as quickly as before, and, for many, that mass of greasy hair on your head starts thinning to reveal the pale scalp of an adult beneath.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Nearly 70% of men will develop male pattern baldness by the time they’re 35 years old – and skaters are no exception to this rule. But, because skaters are in constant denial of their inevitable maturation, they’re especially sensitive to the trappings of old age (it’s no coincidence that at least 70% of all skateboard stunts are done with a cap covered head).

It doesn’t have to be this way. There are other options besides hiding your baldness beneath a energy-drink branded hat, beanie, or toupee. If you’re in that majority of men that will lose their hair as they get older, don’t worry, there are balding role models out there in the skate world that aren’t afraid to show off their scalp. Here, we’ve rounded up six skaters who wear their baldness with pride.

photo: tully

Colin Fiske

Colin Fiske is a man of unparalleled strangeness, so of course he doesn’t care that his disappearing hairline makes him look like some kind of dastardly cartoon character. This is the guy who put out an hour long solo part on YouTube, who mailed his toenail clippings to Julien Stranger, who hangs out with the wonderful degenerates that call themselves Fancy Lads – this is the guy that’s the epitome of self-assured confidence. Hair or no hair, he does what he wants how he wants, and for that he should be applauded, or at least clapped on the forehead 3 Stooges style.

photo: horse

Stu Graham

Has the Happy Ogre ever even had hair? It’s kind of easy to imagine this guy slipping straight out of the womb looking like that. As one of the most OG bald-baddies on this list, Stu Graham shows off his scalp with the pride of a real Scotsman. Based off this guy’s build, gungho skating, and famously fucked-up grill, one can assume that aesthetics aren’t on the top of Stu’s list of priorities, but there’s no denying how good he looks shralping around the bowl with his cleanly Bic’d dome shining in the sun.

photo: networkskate

James Brockman

Back in 2009 Thrasher asked James Brockman if he was mad that he was going bald. His response should be the mantra for balding skateboarders everywhere: “Naw, I’m just going to run with it.” We’ve seen Brockman with prototypical-skater scraggly locks in the past, but his real manliness came out once he cut his thinning mane down into a more manageable look. Did you see his part in Cold War? Who needs hair when you’re skating handrails switch like that? So toss the Rogaine away, James, you’re stunting on them as is.

photo: orchard

Lurker Lou

What Lou lacks in top of head tufts he generally makes up for by his beard, which is usually at the length of a respectable lumberjack’s. I don’t know if Lou’s hair loss preceded his villanous stint on the failed final season of SLAP’s One in a Million (or if having to endure such a shitty production pushed the last remaining follicles out), but whatever the reason, Lou don’t give a fuck, and regularly represents for bald skaters everywhere.

photo: ben colen

Marc Johnson

MJ is skateboarding’s patron saint of baldness. On a skateboard he’s pretty much untouchable – regularly performing miracles like bluntslide combos with style – he’s clearly anointed. So, kind of like that other famously skilled player that shares his initials, whatever hairstyle MJ wants to rock will get a pass. But, fortunate for hair-challenged skaters everywhere, MJ is bald, and has becomes the style ideal for other baldies the world over. Sure, sometimes MJ will throw on a wig for a laugh, and he does wear beanies pretty often, but he wears them cocked off the top so that it’s still very apparent what’s going on beneath. Even if you aren’t sure what’s going on within that dome sometimes, you at least know what’s happening on top, and that’s not much, and for that we praise him.

photo: cocue

Klaus Bohms

I don’t really know much about Klaus Bohms except that he’s got a German-sounding name and hails from Brazil. Oh, and of course I couldn’t help but notice the bald patches proudly pronouncing themselves in every clip of him skating (which are all fire by the way). Bohms has both a widow’s peak and a crop circle going on, but does that send him to the nearest Lids in search of some sort of cover? No. Bald boys take note, Bohms has the natural balding look on lock.