It’s happened to the best of us. You’ll be skating a spot and find yourself so close to getting the footage you’ve been dying for, and then…. SKRRRRRRRRT! Onto the scene comes a security guard flush with rage, whipping their golf cart, scooter or car across the property to end your session.

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, and since we know none of you have Rob Dyrdek level cash to splash on your own personal security, here’s a list of the more unconventional ways to ward off the spot wardens so you can get those clips you crave.

The Final Wish

When the guard rolls up, try to explain that your friend or sibling doesn’t have long to live, or is about to head into surgery due to some insanely rare disease.

The last thing they wanted to do, in case something should happen, was skate that exact spot with their friends for one last time. Immoral? Highly. Effective? You bet your sweet ass.

Hook, Line, and Linger

People will do crazy things for money. The thought of “shame” never enters a person’s mind when their greed takes over. They’ll do anything, like devouring bull testicles or appearing on Dr. Phil.

With this overwhelming greed in mind, take a page out of the Bugs Bunny playbook and grab yourself an extra-long fishing line and a crisp $20. Cast out that cash when security is in motion to try and lure them away for as long as you can.

In the Name Of Science

Let’s be honest, you can learn a lot from skateboarding. Using clips of Jaws almost blowing out his ankles, one can discuss gravity. A local spot’s loose pebbles are perfect tools to explain Newton’s First Law of Motion. So why not try and explain you’re simply trying to win first prize at your school’s upcoming science fair?

Obviously, this one depends on your age. If you’re an old head claiming you’re there for your school’s annual science fair you might get strapped with a straightjacket. But a high school student might get one more attempt before being escorted from the spot.

Get Naked

Whether carved into stone or surrounded by NYU art students, the naked body can be considered by many as a work of art that projects the infinite beauty of nature. However, in most cases, it’s an offensive garbage pile concoction of scents and lumps.

When security approaches, strip down to your shame and smile. If they seem unphased by your business hanging in their place of business, maybe show off a few stretches so you can get the smell of sweat to hit the winds before going in for a hug. Bonus points for tear-away, Chris Pontius style swishy pants.

Religious Freedom

In today’s world anything can get you canceled, and the last thing anyone wants to do is offend anyone or step on their rights. This goes double for those practicing religion, which is always a touchy topic. Try using 2024 level wokeness to your advantage by claiming that hitting the hubba with a front crook is a religious ceremony for your people.

Print a Permit

This old graffiti trick might be a good option for skaters too. Head to the depths of the internet and research your local city/town’s requirements for public art performance. After finding out what the permits look like, head into Photoshop and create yourself a self-appointed permit. Chances are the guard won’t know what they’re looking at, even when they ask to see it for a once-over.

Purchase a Hologram

Now, hear me out. It’s expensive, it’s deplorable, but it can be effective! Get a hologram made of yourself to use as a diversion while you get your clip. Like the Spartan hologram ability in Halo, send your decoy out to be beaten by the cops while you squeeze in one last try. Hell, even if there’s the default Tupac-option, snag it! What guard wouldn’t waddle out of their office to meet Makaveli?

Words by: Chuck Harp
Illustrations by: Van Eggers
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